http://existentialcomics.com Existential Comics Archive http://existentialcomics.com/comic/367 <img alt="Husserl, waking up hungover: "Crap, only an hour to go. What is a brilliant philosophy i can do at the last minute?" Husserl: "Shit shit, I forgot to write my dissertation! " Husserl: "Clocks? Time? Maybe how time goes too fast?" Husserl: "No...inkwells? Are inkwells are a philosophy? I hate how i have to keep dipping my pen in. I hate how they look." Husserl: "Wait, is that it...maybe looking at things can be a philosophy? Well, i don't have anything better, so..." Husserl, in front of the dissertation committee: "Uh...so as you see, my revolutionary philosophy is merely concerned with how the inkwell appears to our minds." Interviewer: "And how does it appear?" Husserl: "It appears..." Husserl: "...like an inkwell." " class="comicImg" src="http://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/HusserlDefendsHisDissertation1.png" /><img alt="Interviewer 1: "Wow...it totally does. I never noticed that." Interviewer 2: "Pretty good." Interviewer: "But how do you deal with the metaphysics of how things are in themselves?" Husserl: "Ahh, well here's the clever bit. I'm bracketing those questions." Interviewer: "What do you mean? " Husserl: "I'm ignoring them, since they don't matter to my project. It's only about looking at stuff." Interviewer: "What about epistemology? How do we know any of this?" Husserl: "Yeah I'm going to go ahead and have to bracket that too." Interviewer 1: "What about morality?" Interviewer 2: "Or Aesthetics?" Interviewer 3: "Or the meaning of life?" Husserl: "Bracketed, Bracketed, bracketed." Interviewer: "Wow, okay, that is..." Interviewer, shaking his hand: "...by far the greatest philosophy of all time. Congratulations!"" class="comicImg" src="http://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/HusserlDefendsHisDissertation2.png" title=""Just one more question." "Sorry I've bracketted further questions." "Damn...he's good." " /> Wed, 2 Dec 2020 08:00:04 +0000 http://existentialcomics.com/comic/368 <img alt="Kierkegaard: "To understand the Aesthetic life, we must understand a man who seduces a woman merely to be interesting." Friend at a cafe: "How does he do that, Kierkegaard?" Kierkegaard: "He schemes and seduces her, to make her believe she loves him." Kierkegaard: "Then, just as they are the verge of marriage, he cunningly convinces her against the idea so that she breaks off the engagement herself." Kierkegaard: "Why does he do this? Not for the act of seduction itself, but of the possibility of it." Kierkegaard: "For the poetry of it. The irony. To create an interesting moment out of the boredom and tedium of everyday life." Friend: "So that's what you did with Regine Olsen? Seduced her and left her merely to make life interesting?" Kierkegaard: "Alas, yes, i am not proud of it ethically, but i used her in a game to create a beautiful, interesting moment of poetry." Friend: "I heard you broke it off because you are so depressed that you cry yourself to sleep every night, knew you'd make a terrible husband.." Kierkegaard: "Sure i mean...that too. I'd say it was about fifty fifty..." " class="comicImg" src="http://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/DiaryofaSeducer.png" title=""Have you ever actually seduced anyone?" "I once seduced my own despair, does that count?" "No." " /> Thu, 3 Dec 2020 08:00:04 +0000 http://existentialcomics.com/comic/369 <img alt="Plato: "Leibniz, come quickly, something is terribly wrong with Kant!" Leibniz: "What is it?" Plato: "You have to see for yourself." Description: Two identical Immanual Kants are sitting at desks writing philosophy. Plato: "There are two of them!" Leibniz: "Two Kants! Good god, one was bad enough. But where did the second one come from?" David Chalmers: "It is I who has done it, evil David Chalmers! I have made a duplicate of Kant, he is identical in behavior in every way, but there is one crucial difference..." Chalmers: "He has no consciousness! He is a philosophical zombie! Since you can't tell the difference in behavior, I have shown physicalism to be false once and for all, HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!" Plato: "There must be a way to tell them apart. Kant one, what do you want from life? Happiness? Love? Fulfillment? " Kant one: "No, I want to work on philosophical problems." Leibniz: "Okay, Kant two: A tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that?" Kant two: "Because i would rather work on philosophy, obviously."" class="comicImg" src="http://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/CaptainMetaphysicsandthePhilosophyZombie1.png" /><img alt="Leibniz: "The problem is Kant is already pretty devoid of consciousness. We need Captain Metaphysics." All together: "With our powers combined! Captain Metaphysics: "I know how to tell them apart!" Description: Captain Metaphysics punching Kant one, then punches Kant two. Kant two: "Owww! What the hell are you doing, that hurts!" Captain Metaphysics: "The real Kant is that one, because he doesn't like feeling pain." Leibniz, as they all start beating up Kant two: "Wow, you are right, this is a great way to determine who has consciousness!"" class="comicImg" src="http://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/CaptainMetaphysicsandthePhilosophyZombie2.png" title=""Yes, but what if the philosophy zombie can't feel any pain, and is only pretending to be a wimpy nerd?" " /> Fri, 4 Dec 2020 08:00:04 +0000 http://existentialcomics.com/comic/370 <img alt="Herbert Spencer: "Much like the evolution of species, free market capitalism gives an evolution of society. " Spencer: "The stronger, more efficient companies survive while the poorly managed ones die off." Spencer: "The wealthy deserve their position, it is right and natural that superior people who advance society should be at the top." Spencer: "Likewise, poor laws, in which the government helps the poor with charity, are unnatural. They interfere with the progress of purifying society through the survival of the fittest." Messenger: "Herbert Spencer, Andrew Carnegie is a great admirer of you and wants to invite you to Pittsburgh to see the advanced industrial production of capitalism in America." Spencer: "Excellent! A chance to see my ideas in action!" Andrew Carnegie: "Welcome to Pittsburgh" Spencer: "Thank you, i can't wait to see how you've improved efficiency so much." Carnegie: "Great! Let me show you to the factory." Spencer: "Is the air always this foul? Why doesn't anyone try to prevent the factories from spewing toxic fumes in the air?" Carnegie: "Ahh, well you see, that's what we call an “externality”."" class="comicImg" src="http://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/HerbertSpencerVisitsPittsburg1.png" /><img alt="Carnegie: "You see, we don't have to pay for polluting the air, so if i spent extra money to prevent spewing toxins into the air constantly, and my competitors didn't, i would go out of business. " Spencer: "Of course..." Carnegie: "Here is the factory, in all its glory." Spencer: "Good god, these men look practically dead." Carnegie: "Well yes, they work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week in the scorching heat." Spencer: "I think this one might be dead." Carnegie: "No, he is just... napping, I'm sure." Spencer: "Right..." Carnegie: "Although you must agree, if i valued safety over profits and my competitors didn't, well... survival of the fittest, right?" Spencer: "Why don't they just unionize so they can bargain for safety measures and days off?" Carnegie: "Well, as you know I respect unions and would never prevent that." Carnegie, whispering: "...at least that's what I tell the press, if my workers try to unionize I just shoot them." Carnegie: "So as you see, it's a scientific fact that someone like me should rise to the top. There is nothing unnatural or evil about it." Carnegie: "So what do you think of the great industrial Pittsburgh?" Spencer: "Six months residence here would justify suicide." " class="comicImg" src="http://static.existentialcomics.com/comics/HerbertSpencerVisitsPittsburg2.png" title=""Does Capitalism encourage the worst men to have power? No, Americans are just bad." " /> Sat, 5 Dec 2020 08:00:03 +0000 End of archive has been reached. 2020-12-06T08:00:03