A Lesson

A Lesson http://www.alessonislearned.com A Lesson A Lesson Is Learned But The Damage Is Irreversible - May 2, 2006 http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=40 <img src="http://www.alessonislearned.com/cmx/lesson040.jpg" /><div align="left">Short Story Reading and Convention Appearance I've been selected to read a short piece of mine, "Blue Diamond Floor Almonds with Drug Dinner", in <a href="http://www.thelmagazine.com/index.cfm?listings_id=48714">The L Magazine's Literary Upstart Competition</a>. This will happen at 7:30 on May 25th at the <a href="http://www.baggotinn.com/baggot.html">Baggot Inn</a> in the West Village. I'd love to have you guys come out and listen and have a drink with me, like the proud (alcoholic) parents I always wanted, but was afraid to ask for (anything).* Also, David and I will have a booth at <a href="http://moccany.org/artfest-main.html">Mocca Arts Festival</a> June 10-11 in Soho, which is a great convention you can't really miss. So come see us there, too! *kidding! love you mom! Shoes Democracy at Work Ok, so a friend of mine is one of ten finalists in a worldwide adidas shoe design contest. He's currently in second place, and he if wins, he probably gets to design shoes for the rest of his life! And you really can't beat that. So you should go vote for his shoes! Go <a href="http://www.adidas.com/campaigns/adicolor/content/version1_6/popUp.asp?strCountry_adidascom=us&strBrand_adidascom=heritage">here</a>, click "finalist gallery". His name is Ari, vote for his shoes, because they are the best. The only problem is that the site is really badly designed. I had to update my flash player before I saw anything, then I had to turn pop up blockers off. And then I couldn't click on the "submit" link because another link was in the way so I had to press shift tab and enter to submit my vote. Just make sure it says, "your vote has been submitted" or something like that, or else your vote didn't count. But it'll be worth it, when as I am slaving in some drab office environs I can imagine Ari putting magic marker to old school kicks somewhere bright and sunny. </div><a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/phpBB/posting.php?mode=reply&t=1170">Comment</a> / <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?p=38955#38955">Read Comments</a><div align="left"><div align="left">Creepily Codependent or Just Sweet? Thanks to everyone who showed up in NYC for the Attitude 3 book signing! We just hope you didn't throw your futures away in the process. Those of you who haven't looked into this book, there's more information below. It's a nice overview of web comic artists, with exclusive interviews and embarrassing childhood photos. We're very appreciative of Ted for putting us in his book!In other news, I'm officially looking for a job. Anyone who needs an illustrator or designer, consider me! I am hopefully less expensive now than at any future point in my career!Now, I'm going to sleep, because I'm wiped out. Please <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/phpBB/posting.php?mode=reply&t=1170">share your reactions to the new comic in the forum</a>, so I can read them upon waking! <hr align="center" color="#999999" noshade size="1" width="50%" /><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1561634654/103-2443903-0684621"><img align="right" border="0" height="138" src="http://www.alessonislearned.com/pics/Attitude3-s.gif" width="111" />ATTITUDE 3: The New Subversive Online Cartoonists</a> is a new book by Ted Rall. Dale and I are interviewed within, along with a slendid array of our contemporaries. Please <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1561634654/103-2443903-0684621">pre-order Attitude 3 through Amazon!</a> Not only will you be a trend-setting early adopter, but pre-orders helps more copies of the book get into bookstores!Attitude 3 features: 1. Rob Balder: "Partially Clips" 2. Dale Beran and David Hellman: "A Lesson is Learned But the Damage is Irreversible" 3. Matt Bors: "Idiot Box" 4. Steven L. Cloud: "Boy on a Stick and Slither" 5. M.e. Cohen: "HumorInk" 6. Chris Dlugosz: "Pixel" 7. Thomas K. Dye: "Newshounds" 8. Mark Fiore: "Fiore Animated Cartoons" 9. Dorothy Gambrell : "Cat and Girl" 10. Nicholas Gurewitch: "The Perry Bible Fellowship" 11. Brian McFadden: "Big Fat Whale" 12. Eric Millikin: "Fetus-X" 13. Ryan North: "Daily Dinosaur Comics" 14. August J. Pollak: "XQUZYPHYR" & "Overboard" 15. Mark Poutenis: "Thinking Ape Blues" 16. Jason Pultz: "Comic Strip" 17. Adam Rust: "Adam's Rust" 18. D.C. Simpson: "I Drew This" & "Ozy and Millie" 19. Ben Smith: "Fighting Words" 20. Richard Stevens: "Diesel Sweeties" 21. Michael Zole: "Death to the Extremist"<a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/phpBB/posting.php?mode=reply&t=1170">Comment</a> / <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?p=38955#38955">Read Comments</a></div></div> Tue, 12 Aug 2014 08:00:30 -0000 A Lesson Is Learned But The Damage Is Irreversible - May 23, 2006 http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=41 <img src="http://www.alessonislearned.com/cmx/lesson041.jpg" /><div align="left">7/24 Web Cartoonists' Choice Awards David has won Outstanding Artist in the <a href="http://ryanestrada.com/wcca/">Web Cartoonists' Choice Awards</a>, and Outstanding Use of Color, and-- for the second year running, Outstanding Use of Layout. What can I say, he's a maniac. <center><img </a="</a" height="45" src="http://www.alessonislearned.com/pics/03artist.jpg" width="351" /></center><center><img </a="</a" height="45" src="http://www.alessonislearned.com/pics/08layout.jpg" width="351" /></center><center><img </a="</a" height="45" src="http://www.alessonislearned.com/pics/09useofcolor.jpg" width="351" /></center>7/15 - Hungry Ghosts<center><a href="http://www.sambornstein.com"><img </a="</a" height="160" src="http://www.alessonislearned.com/pics/redtreeslow.jpg" width="290" /></a></center> If you need a little nest egg, or you'd just like to see some very beautiful work my good friends, the brilliant painters Sam Bornstein, Ari Lankin, Azikiwe Mohammed, and Sophie White, have put together a group show of their work. The opening is this Thursday in Manhattan, Glassworks Building 141 W. 24th Street Penthouse Buzzer #07 If you can't make it then, gallery hours are Monday through Thursday 7-10 pm, July 24-27. Also by appointment- just email me. Above is "Red Clouds" by Sam. 5/23 - Mocca Mocca was a hit as usual, had the pleasure of sitting next to <a href="http://www.birdandmoon.com/">Rosemary</a> on one side, <a href="http://www.whiteninjacomics.com">Scott and Kent</a> on the other. <a href="http://www.wigu.com/overcompensating/">Jeff</a> has a <a href="http://wigu.com/overcompensating/archive/2006_06_11_archive.html">complete transcript</a>. However, I'm afraid to say he was wearing a shirt. I didn't ask why. Just read Rosemary’s <a href="http://www.birdandmoon.com/55words/latest.html">55 Word Stories</a>, very beautiful, enviable lines, ""By day he repaired photocopiers, but at night he devoured books on undersea life.", "...fathoms under the sea, the octopuses bake their octopies.", etc. 5/23 - Clouds Come hear me (briefly) read this Thursday, May 25th at <a href="http://www.thelmagazine.com/index.cfm?listings_id=48714">The L Magazine's Literary Upstart Competition</a> at the <a href="http://www.baggotinn.com/baggot.html">Baggot Inn</a> in the West Village. I've been told there's free beer. Also, David and I will be at <a href="http://moccany.org/artfest-main.html">Mocca Arts Festival</a> June 10-11 in Soho, sharing a booth with my guru and personal spiritual guide, whom the uninitiated call <a href="http://www.qwantz.com">Ryan North</a>. And finally vote for<a href="http://www.adidas.com/campaigns/adicolor/content/version1_6/popUp.asp?strCountry_adidascom=us&strBrand_adidascom=heritage">Ari's shoes</a>, if you haven't already. </div><a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/phpBB/posting.php?mode=reply&t=1204">Comment</a> / <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?p=39917#39917">Read Comments</a><div align="left"><div align="left">7/12 - More Patrons join the gallery Three generous contributors -- Nathan, Palio and David Barr -- join the <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/patrons.html">Patrons Gallery</a> today. Look upon their noble visages and feel your soul lifted.For those unfamiliar with our custom, anyone who donates $25 or more using the Paypal button in the <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/patrons.html">Patrons Gallery</a> has an image of his choice drawn by me and displayed as a testament to his greatness. I'll even make the portrait a link to your web site. (For example, Nathan's undead corpse links to <a href="http://www.microhorror.com">Micro Horror .com</a>, the scariest big collection of little things on the internet!)I wouldn't usually advertise a malfunction, but since I'm saying thank you, I should include CSC_IV's heroic actions yesterday, which restored our <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/phpBB">forum</a> from partial-nonfunctionality. Hooray! <hr align="center" color="#999999" noshade size="1" width="50%" />6/27 - David Hellman .net LIVES, after a fashionMy online résumé/portfolio has launched at <a href="http://www.davidhellman.net">David Hellman .net</a>. Thanks for the input and criticism, those of you who reviewed the unfinished design. Readers of A Lesson... may find cause for mirth, intermittantly, within these pages:<center><a href="http://www.davidhellman.net"><img src="http://www.alessonislearned.com/pics/davidnet.jpg" /></a></center>I'll try to keep adding amusing stuff to the "News" section at unpredictable intervals.In case you're wondering, "davidhellman.com" belongs to a lawyer in California. But don't you like ".net" better anyway?!<hr align="center" color="#999999" noshade size="1" width="50%" />6/13 - Bitchez & HoseSince it's Tuesday, we have a treat for you! It's the comic we were throwing around at <a href="http://www.moccany.com">MoCCA</a> this weekend. Now we can share it with the world! Click below!<center><a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/bitchezandhose01.html"><img src="http://www.alessonislearned.com/pics/bitchezandhose-title.gif" /></a><a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/phpBB/posting.php?mode=reply&t=1304">Discuss Bitchez & Hose!</a> or <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?p=42379#42379">Read the Discussion!</a></center>And thank you to everyone who made it to MoCCA!<hr align="center" color="#999999" noshade size="1" width="50%" />6/10 - As I Lay Me Down To Sleep, EventuallyIt's come to my attention that the current episode doesn't make a lick of sense. I'm sorry. I was drawing mountains and forgot to illustrate the characters properly. Dale's script receives the benefit of the doubt!So believe me, I'm eager to replace 2-006, either with a revision that clarifies the story, or with the next episode. Speaking of which, 2-007, which draws us to the shores of Labyrinth Isle, is well underway -- just placed on the back burner as we prepare for <a href="http://moccany.com/artfest-main.html">MoCCA Art Festival 2006</a>! If you're in New York City this weekend, definitely show up! (You'll find us next to a <a href="http://www.qwantz.com">looming Canadian man</a>.) A couple of the things we've made for MoCCA will appear here some time after their debut at the show. Dale and I have talked about using this space to share doodles and other things, to keep the site more lively in between major updates. Well, here's a <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/pics/butwhy-concept01.gif">little something</a>. That's a concept sketch I did before drawing this episode. It's slightly more entertaining than the comic itself.<hr align="center" color="#999999" noshade size="1" width="50%" />5/31 - Ryan North Invents "Regret Index"Ryan North, creator of <a href="http://www.qwantz.com">Dinosaur Comics</a>, today launched an online database of regrets. This user-driven service, called <a href="http://www.qwantz.com/regret/index.php">The Amazing Regret Index</a>, promises to alleviate some of those prickly should-I-or-should-I-not scenarios, notwithstanding its gloomy fixation on the past.The first two questions posed to me by <a href="http://www.qwantz.com/regret/index.php">The Regret Index</a> were, "do you regret masturbating twice in one day?" and "do you regret leaking Valerie Plame to the press?" My answers contributed to each question's "regret index" (a number between 0 and 1, 0 meaning "no regrets" and 1 meaning "crippling contrition") which stand at 0.19 and 0.5, respectively.</div></div> Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:00:28 -0000 A Lesson Is Learned But The Damage Is Irreversible - December 10, 2012 http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=42 <img src="http://www.alessonislearned.com/cmx/lesson042.jpg" /><div align="left">A Lesson Is Learned Hello Readers! Welcome back! When A Lesson Is Learned started it was just a small comic. Then, for a while, it stopped being a comic and once again simply became the abiding principle by which I live my life. Now it is also a comic again! As usual, David has done a transcendent job with the art and I think this is one of our best episodes by far! Thanks to all the fans who've been supportive of the series over the years. Without your urging to make new comics we probably would have been all like pssh whatever. Also, upon request we've re-opened <a href="http://alessonislearned.myshopify.com/">THE SHOP</a>! Now you can buy prints of select classic ALILBTDIIs as well as the new episode <a href="https://alessonislearned.myshopify.com/collections/frontpage/products/episode-36-print">"I Name Thee Annihilator!"</a>! There's a limited number of prints for sale so, as always, I suggest you act immediately with absolutely no hesitation. There's more information on the shop's <a href="https://alessonislearned.myshopify.com/blogs/news/6977982-the-shop-is-open">blog</a> and <a href="https://alessonislearned.myshopify.com/pages/about-us">FAQ page</a>. Many thanks to David's dad, Jesse Hellman, for first and foremost, co-creating David, and second for lending his years of photography experience to the project! The prints are gorgeous and incredibly high quality and that's all due to him! If you're interested in other things that I write or have written in the past five years, here's a short list: <ul><li><a href="http://daleberan.tumblr.com">My critical analysis Tumblr</a></li><li>My <a href="http://www.thenerdsofparadise.com">other webcomic</a> about boy millionaires/ philosophical raisins/ adventurers who travel through time looking for fresh ingredients for their picnics</li><li>My novel, <a href="http://www.aqueousbooks.com/author_pages/49_beran.htm">Dates Worse Than Fate</a> to be published by Aqueous Books in 2015! There are <a href="http://www.daleberan.com/dates/">excerpts here</a> and a <a href="http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_126802084054968">fan support Facebook page here</a>.</li><li><a href="http://www.twitter.com/daleberan">My Twitter</a></li><li>My ST:TOS/Twilight fan fiction mashup Deviant Art page-- heheh! kidding! If only!</li></ul> Dale </div><a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=42">Comment</a> / <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=42">Read Comments</a><div align="left"><div align="left">But The Damage Is Irreversible When Dale and I called time out from A Lesson Is Learned in 2006, I had no idea if there would ever be another episode. After 41 restlessly changing installments, it seemed the experiment had run its course. There were new challenges to tackle, creative and professional. Dale and I had moved to different cities on different coasts. And yet about a year ago, thanks to the advent of telephonic communication, we started talking about bringing back A Lesson Is Learned. At least one time… So five and a half years later, here's the new episode, "I Name Thee Annihilator!". It's a real ALILBTDII. Dale's script is, in my opinion, one of his best. Hilarious, poignant, and full of clever symmetries. Doing the art felt just like the old days. I found myself right back in that world of dread and whimsy (dreadsywhim). Even to this day we hear from readers who want to buy prints of the back catalog. So to thank all of you for still caring after all these years, we're offering <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/shop/">a limited run of a handful of the most popular and best episodes as high quality giclée prints</a>. Looking back at the Gun of True Love, the yeti episode, the one with The Devil, and Ghost Dog, I feel that Annihilator fits right in. Which is pretty cool. I want to thank my dad, Jesse Hellman, for producing this limited run of prints of archival prints. He's as big a fan of ALIL as there is, so we're very honored to receive his generous assistance. For those who may not have heard from me in five and a half years, you can follow my more recent exploits at <a href="http://www.davidhellman.net">davidhellman.net</a>, and on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/davidhellmanart">my Facebook page</a> where I always post news. I'm also active on Twitter as <a href="https://twitter.com/davidhellman">@davidhellman</a>. Last month I ran a Kickstarter with writer <a href="http://tevisthompson.com">Tevis Thompson</a> to produce a comic book called <a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/davidhellman/second-quest">Second Quest</a>. The Kickstarter is over, but late next year you should be able to buy the finished book if you aren't already on board. So thank you Dale, thank you Dad, thank you readers! We had an awesome time with this new story and hope you really love it. Dale and I have some more ideas bubbling, so I feel pretty comfortable saying that the next ALIL will arrive in less than five and a half years. David P.S. Happy Birthday Dale!!!! <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=42">Comment</a> / <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=42">Read Comments</a></div></div> Thu, 14 Aug 2014 08:00:29 -0000 A Lesson Is Learned But The Damage Is Irreversible - November 7, 2013 http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=43 <img src="http://www.alessonislearned.com/cmx/lesson043.jpg" /><div align="left">We Stopped Not Making Comics Again! Dear Reader, Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! We have a new comic up! And after a long and elegant courtship, we've <a href="http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TO&Product_Code=ALIL-COMIC-PRINTS&Category_Code=ALIL"> partnered up with Topatoco to sell it and many other comics as beautiful ALILBTDII prints!</a> I'm also working on a <a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1188957169/scale">Kickstarter this month for a video game called SCALE where you can suck the size out of one thing and shoot it into another!</a> We've raised a very generous amount of money. But, as of writing, we are still a fair distance from our funding goal. So any help supporting the project or spreading the word is much appreciated. In the game, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtApBVaFGao&feature=youtu.be">you can do neat things like enlarge the moon to flood the earth and travel by boat.</a> I also post comics <a href="http://www.thenerdsofparadise.com">here</a> every two weeks or so. And I'm working on some other projects that will be announced soon on teen news services <a href="http://daleberan.tumblr.com">tumblr</a> and <a href="http://www.twitter.com/daleberan/">twitter</a>. Dale </div><a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=43">Comment</a> / <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=43">Read Comments</a><div align="left"><div align="left">Several ideas on how to start this post Another year, another rumination on death and aging from your favorite internet funnymakers. This year, we bring you another rumination on death and aging by us, the internet laffmen. A year has passed since our heralded return, I NAME THEE ANNIHILATOR!. It was universally hailed as one of the greatest episodes of A Lesson Is Learned. From this creative apex we could only fall, limbs uselessly flailing, into the abyss of relative mediocrity. Greetings, readers! We hope you had an enjoyable year. Please enjoy this fresh cut of Welcome, readers! Are you sitting comfortably? Did you know that sitting for very long stretches can be damaging? Remember to get up from time to time and pace around the room. Remember to first pick up your toys off the floor or you may be injured. Do not play with badly-made toys, as they will snap off and lodge Cowabunga, dear readers. It is autumn. A season of mugs and cardigans. I hope you will savor this latest A Lesson Is Learned But The Damage Is Irreversible. The script is very well-written. I am pleased with how it translated to comic form. It is funny and also makes you think about things. Please hold it delicately. Today we have begun <a href="http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TO&Product_Code=ALIL-COMIC-PRINTS&Category_Code=ALIL">selling prints of our comics through Topatoco.com</a>. We are very pleased about this. We have wanted to do this for a long time. Topatoco is great and sells many fine things from many wonderful creators. Jeffrey Rowland was extremely helpful in setting up the shop, sharing his insight and tailoring it to our requests. Thanks also to David Malki for getting the ball rolling. We appreciate you guys. More episodes will find their way to the shop sooner than you may suspect. Let us know if you have a favorite you would like to have in your own home. Have you seen the <a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1188957169/scale">Scale Kickstarter</a>? Dale is writing the story for this wonderful game, Scale. In the game, you can change the size of things, very dramatically! Like make a house so small you can put it in your pocket (I do not know if they have implemented pockets as a concept but it would be pleasant to be a mouse in a safe woolen pocket). I urge you to take a look. They have about a week left to raise the rest of the money they need to make the game. If you are a fan of comics, you may like the $65 tier, which offers a Scale art print by the estimable <a href="http://www.dresdencodak.com">Aaron Diaz</a>, <a href="http://www.gunshowcomic.com">KC Green</a>, Dale, or me. As for me, I’m spending most of my time working with writer <a href="http://www.tevisthompson.com">Tevis Thompson</a> on my first graphic novel, <a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/davidhellman/second-quest">Second Quest</a>. We've been posting <a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/davidhellman/second-quest/posts">updates</a> about once a month. Even if you didn’t back the Kickstarter, you’ll be able to buy the book when it comes out next year. If you’d like to stay in touch, follow me on <a href="http://www.twitter.com/davidhellman">twitter</a>, <a href="http://davidhellman.tumblr.com">tumblr</a> or <a href="http://www.facebook.com/davidhellmanart">facebook</a>. Be exultant to each other. David <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=43">Comment</a> / <a href="http://www.alessonislearned.com/index.php?comic=43">Read Comments</a></div></div> Fri, 15 Aug 2014 08:00:33 -0000 End of archive has been reached. End of archive has been reached. 2014-08-18T08:00:28